by Chrone Osphere
Temporal Correspondent
June 25, 2009

by Doug Mayfield
Post Los Angeles
June 27, 2009

Ummmm-
Shit.
I've got nothing to say, really.
I'm done trying to party with celebrities.
It never turns out well.
The only reason I visited Jackson was that he kept writing me.
He said I was his hero.
Can you imagine?
Out of a morbid curiosity I agreed to meet, only to find that he liked to party.
HARD.
He put the Sex Pistols to shame, and with pharmacutical-grade shit.
I want to make it clear that all the drugs were his, so I bare no no responsibility.
It was all Jacko and his crazy dealers- I mean, "doctors."
Anyway- he collapsed, I bolted.
On the upside, propofol diluted with lidocaine really takes the edge off flying TS1 through turbulence in the spherically-linked-fabric-of-space-time, or chronosphere™.
Back to work.

The official coin has been tossed in Los Angeles this afternoon and, as it turns out, the late Michael Jackson will be remembered as the self-proclaimed "King of Pop" instead of "that eccentric child molester."
"It was a close call," said Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart. "That's why the coin toss was necessary."
All evidence shows the public is embracing the "King of Pop" decision.
"It's more fun to celebrate an artist's music than to condemn a sex offender," said Marge Halpert, mother of three.
Critics say you can expect the moles- er, pop icon's music to be overplayed on radio, corporate Muzak and in jukebox bars for the next few years.

Related Stories
King of Pop More Popular Dead Than Alive